The Carr Report: Is child support an unfair burden on men?

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by Damon Carr, for New Pittsburgh Courier

Child support is a recurring topic on my private Facebook group page. It’s a hot topic in hair salons and hair salons around the world. However, in both contexts, the audience is either predominantly female or predominantly male. As a result, in both contexts, you usually hear one side of the story. What makes this conversation interesting on my Facebook page is that men and women offer their views and opinions.

One of our discussions was based on a TikTok video that went viral. In this video, a divorced and remarried woman details her experience with the Child Support Enforcement Agency. Her ex-husband is the father of their 4-year-old son. He too is remarried. He currently pays $69 a week or $276 a month in child support. Her ex-husband found a new job. The Child Support Enforcement Agency has taken legal action to have the child support payments changed. According to her, the agency felt she deserved a payout increase. She disagreed. She said $276 was enough to help support their 4-year-old. She said she could pay her own bills and she understood that this man had a family, other children and his own bills to pay. She then launches a tirade about women who abuse the child support system for their own selfish gain. She said she hears women say things like “this little child support doesn’t pay half my bills”. She said child support isn’t supposed to pay your bills. It’s supposed to help take care of the child.

Here are some comments from people in our Facebook group:

PREACH WOMAN PREACH!!!!

~Torry

This is amazing! I wish more women thought that way!!

~Anna

Alimony has been put in place for deadbeat fathers. This money does not cover much. I know it first hand. However, some men are exploited. Men must step up their efforts to reform the laws that were put in place years ago. I understand both sides of the child support plight.

~ Juanita

Since my studies of child support and its origin, child support in America has been designed for children who were abandoned and separated from their families in the welfare system of the 1950s; as well as poor families due to separation or divorce. Most American women/wives in the 1950s and 1960s were housewives who depended on their men/husbands to financially support themselves and their children. When I was expecting my first child, I said to my child’s father, “I’m not looking to take your money and put you on child support! Just ‘Man-Up’ and help raise our child. Provide for his needs when needed. I never requested a variation for an increase in child support. He didn’t keep his end of the bargain. He missed opportunities to cultivate the seed he had sown. His loss!

~Leslie

She is 100% accurate with her statement. I recently went to court to withdraw child support. I should never have been on it. You’d think I was holding my child’s mother hostage based on their questions.

Are you sure you’re okay with that? Do you speak of your own free will? We had three separate court appearances over a six month period. To this day, they still threaten me and tell her she needs to reconsider.

Black man alimony is not designed for support. It is designed to verify and destroy. A man who works multiple jobs in order to pay child support and other bills reduces the amount of time a man has to spend with the child. If you miss child support payments, you could face jail time and/or license suspension. You can’t make money in jail. It’s hard to get to work without a driver’s license. A man in prison risks losing his job.

~ Will

My mom’s current boyfriend is in jail and does 8 years because he went on child support and gave her $793 a month for a child.

The mother of her child felt that $793 was not enough to care for her four children. Keep in mind that he is the biological father of only one of her four children. Being the vindictive person that she is, she asked her eldest daughter to lie and say that he sexually assaulted her when she was 12. It’s all a made-up lie because $793 a month for a child wasn’t enough.

~John

I don’t know what planet she lives on where $69 a week helps support a child. Recreational expenses aside, the monthly cost to raise a child requires over $69 per week. I can’t stand women like her because they want to give the impression that the status quo of women who seek child support are the ones who want someone to pay their bills and that’s bullshit. Pay your fair share! How difficult is it? It makes no one less of a wife or mother for asking for just and justifiable child support.

~ Olive tree

Damon here: Men in general hate paying child support. It is a delicate subject. Let me start with something we all agree on. In general, single parents have financial difficulties; single mothers in particular.

What interests me is that I have observed many men willing to accept car payments of $600 per month or more, but disapprove of paying $500 per month in child support.

It’s not alimony per se that men disapprove of, it’s the lack of control he has over the money taken from him. You can pay child support and you still have to fight for visitation rights. Second, you have no control over how the money is spent. Mom could be a spender, a user, a woman who gives her deadbeat boyfriend her money. It does not matter. You still have to pay child support until the court decides otherwise.

Uncle Sam did not impregnate the child’s mother. If the mother receives some type of government assistance, the child’s mother is required to provide the information about the father so that she can legitimately assign ownership and responsibility to the father of the child rather than to the government. .

When child support is calculated, it factors the income of both parents, other dependents, and various expenses into the equation to make it a fair payment amount. It does not take into account different loans, as childcare should be a higher priority than loan repayments.

If the mother is gainfully employed without government assistance, it is up to her whether or not to file child support.

If mom and dad both have paid jobs with benefits and the dad is a stand up guy, I think it’s best to find arrangements for child care, child support and visitation outside of the system judicial. If dad is a deadbeat, uninvolved dad, or mom gets government assistance…it’s child support.

(Damon Carr, Money Coach can be reached at 412-216-1013 or visit his website @ www.damonmoneycoach.com)

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